How to rewrite your new life script. The scenario of human life and destiny - change

The idea of ​​predestination worries every person. Professionally, writers, philosophers and psychologists solve the code of fate. Everyone else studies the life line solely at their leisure. Writers and philosophers create only sketches of a solution to the eternal anthropological question, but psychologists sometimes give precise recipes. Or rather, they try to pass off their hypotheses as working fateful mechanisms. First of all, I remember Eric Berne and his psychological concept, which centers on a life scenario.

In order for the conversation to be substantive, you must first define the concept of a life scenario. So, according to Berne, the life script is an unconscious plan formed by parents. The outline of human destiny begins early in life.

Formation of life scenarios

E. Berne is a student of Freud, so he pays close attention to the first years of a child’s life. At the beginning of life, there is either distrust of the world, and the child makes (not consciously) conclusions according to two parameters:

Self-assessment.
Assessment of parents and the surrounding social world.

There are four possible answers:

Both parameters are positive. This is the best option - the “primary winner protocol”. A healthy, strong personality is formed.
A person evaluates himself positively, and his environment - negatively. This is how they arise. Those who like to advise everyone always are then offended when their advice is not followed. Those who place their children and parents in the care of the state. The extreme degree of this scenario gives the world - murderers. After all, such people always blame others.
A person evaluates himself negatively and others positively. This is the psychology of a loser and someone who practices constant self-deprecation. The sad thing is that people who feel sorry for themselves pass this behavior on to their children. “I’m bad and worthless” is a mindset that is extrapolated to all areas of a person’s life.
A person evaluates himself negatively and others also negatively. A psychology that leads to impenetrable hopelessness. In human life, all possibilities are colored black.

This is, in general terms, the formation of life scenarios. There are two factors responsible for them that influence the development of a person’s worldview.

Basic life scenarios (types)

Don’t be afraid, life is more diverse than opinions about it. Human existence never fits completely into even the most elaborate and detailed theoretical scheme. However, a theory needs reference points, and Berne has them. So, the main life scenarios are as follows:

Winners. The American psychologist recognizes as winners those people who have a functioning goal-setting mechanism and the will to achieve their goals.
Non-winners. They are destined to earn bread with sweat and blood. But this way of life will not bring them victory. Their destiny is to remain at the same level. Moreover, they do not want either higher or lower. This is the type that in journalism is called “everyman.” Non-winners are law-abiding and happy with their “life, wife and work.”
Losers. These are the ones who are always dissatisfied with everything. No matter how much such a person earns, no matter what he achieves, he will be at the very bottom in a psychological sense. The danger is that if such subjects fall, they drag those around them with them.

It is noteworthy that the middle of the list (non-winners) causes the least trouble for society. And extremes disturb society. Some (winners) in a positive sense, others (losers) in a negative sense.

Basic life scenarios are not so difficult to learn if you observe people.

Winners say: “Today I made a mistake, but tomorrow I will not miss.”
Non-winners say: “Yes, I made a mistake, but it could have been worse. At least I..."
Losers say: “I would do it, but...”, “I could, but...”. The main thing here is the subjunctive mood and inaction.

Early childhood and the formation of a person’s life scenario. Script Elements

The script consists of 7 components:

The final. In very early childhood, when a person’s parents say hurtful or evil words to a person in anger, he is symbolically doomed to a “curse”—a tragic outcome. If a mother compares a child with an alcoholic husband, she is provoking. When parents act in the opposite way (saying kind words and praising the child), they are programming a successful scenario.
Prescription. This is a system of prohibitions and permissions. They are divided into degrees: a) socially acceptable and permissible - “behave properly”, “you shouldn’t brag”, b) cruel and excessive - “don’t say too much”, “don’t tell your mother”, c) rude orders and arbitrary prohibitions. Such instructions boil down to the usual unjustified rudeness: “Leave me alone!”, “Keep your head down,” “Don’t mess around.” The third type of injunction creates losers and acts as a “curse.”
Provocation is recognized where parents consciously or unconsciously approve. As a result, the child turns into a drug addict or alcoholic. And it also happens that parents make “bad jokes” on their child, calling him a “moron,” “fool,” or exposing his weaknesses to a friend. Adults don’t understand: they are building rails for their child that will take him to the wrong place.
Moral postulates are those identifying signs by which a person navigates the moral dimension of his life, considers it “right” or “wrong.” Moral dogmas are laid down by parents. “Study well”, “Work hard”. Everyone himself will remember more than a dozen such “moral teachings”. It’s bad when postulates are interspersed with provocation. In this case, again the person may take a wrong turn.
The example of parents serves as a clear example for a person of how to behave and what to expect. Mothers guide the behavior of girls, and the image of the father influences the boy. In addition, the example of parents illustrates what they teach; if there is a gap between the actions and words of immediate ancestors, then the script does not promise anything good for the child.
Script impulse. This is a protest against an overly detailed script. When parents tend to over-manage their child, there is an impulse against over-coaching.
Anti-script or internal liberation. If a person’s life is not going well, then he postpones the realization of his potential until the future, for example, after the age of 40. And this often frees him from the power of the script.

The functions of the elements are not the same. Points 1, 2, 3 control the scenario, and the remaining components can be used against the programming of fate by parents.

This is how early childhood and the formation of an individual’s life scenario are connected.

How to change your life scenario?

As a highly qualified psychologist and a person who needs, E. Bern states: the scenario is recognized only by an outside observer - a psychotherapist. But there are four questions that help a person open the door to the secret of his destiny.

What phrase do your parents like to repeat? An honest answer allows you to understand how to break the spell of the script.
How did your parents live? The answer gives an understanding of what is personal in a person and what is parental and imposed.
The main prohibition of parents? If a person answers this question, he will understand the boundaries of his own scenario, and may also find the key to what is tormenting him.
What actions or behavior did your parents approve of or make them happy? The answer provides clues to how the person responded to parental orders.

E. Berne, to illustrate the last point, gives the example of a man who became an alcoholic because his parents kept telling him: “Don’t think!”

When answering the question of how to change your life scenario, you need to remember that the first step to liberation is realizing the “theatricality” of your own existence. If a person knows the types of scenarios, their elements, as well as “magic” questions, then he will be able to “disenchant” his destiny.

Changing life scenario. Philosophy vs psychology. "Freedom Lies Within"

This time it’s worth moving away from the presentation of E. Bern’s concept in order to offer my own recipe for getting rid of the script as a form of human life.

A person is controlled by what he believes in. If a person thinks that his life was written by his parents, and he is doomed, his life will be black and impenetrable. You can rely on the constructions of E. Bern and frantically search for an “antidote” against “curse” or “evil fate”, or you can deprive the idea of ​​“unfortunate fate” of energy, ceasing to feed it with your fears and complexes.

This is a difficult path, because in this way a person admits that only he and no one else or misfortune. Heaven is silent, God looks sympathetically at his lot, but does not help, because the defining quality of a person is free will!

The person himself is responsible for changing his life scenario. If a thinking and acting subject understands this simple truth, the “curse” will be lifted.

A natural question arises: does a person’s life scenario exist or not? It exists if a person believes in it. Berne's concept is popular because it removes responsibility for one's own life from a person. The “primary protocol” written by parents is to blame for failures, falls, wounds and disappointments. Of course, the psychological doctrine of E. Berne lets people down in the fact that it’s not a bad idea to wake up and take control of fate into your own hands, but the original message is formulated as follows: “It’s all the parents’ fault!” And this is not fair, either towards the person or towards his parents.

When life is going in a way that is not at all to our liking, one of the ways to put everything in more attractive places is to radically change our worldview. It implies a mandatory rethinking of the past and present, which sometimes you just have to abandon and start all over from scratch. We all tend to worry about what the future holds: we save money for a rainy day, go to university, start working in companies that guarantee career growth. We even act at the level of the subconscious and instincts when choosing a partner.

Life is a book

There are many theories about what our life path looks like. We offer you one that will become an assistant for you in the process of changing your future and rethinking yourself, your principles. As is reflected in almost any book, your life can also be represented as a set of stories or parts of one big whole. Try dividing your past into chapters according to some specific principle: by age (childhood, school and student years, adolescence), by how you feel (sad, worried, happy), or by relatively significant events: wedding, death of a loved one , university admission and others. Put it all on a piece of paper, drawing and describing each period.

Key events

Each part of your life can be characterized by some event. At this stage, you should be extremely honest with yourself and choose what really happened to you. This exercise will not only help you more clearly understand the path you have already taken, but will also give you a characterization as a person, a professional and your role in society. To do this, describe in detail how the key event in your life or only part of it affected you, how you felt about yourself and the world around you, what thoughts appeared in your head. We have prepared for you possible options for what you can start from:

• life is made up of good and bad things. We may strive to improve it, but it will always be a series of ups and downs. It is important to remember both those moments when you felt happy and others that remain in your soul because of their pain and sadness. Try to describe them using the following algorithm: what kind of event it was, why it happened, who took part in it, why you were happy/upset, what it entailed.
• Since now you have chosen to change your life, remember the events that contributed to this in the past. This will help you get a feel for the method and approach you should be using at the moment.
• we could not help but mention those events that left a big imprint on our entire existence, but at the same time it is quite difficult to attribute them to any of the above-mentioned groups. This way you can form a new chapter of important and significant things that you try not to forget about and cannot imagine yourself if they had not happened to you.

What's next?

All that's left to do is decide for yourself what you want your future to look like. To make it easier to implement your plan, describe both the positive and negative scenarios. Answer questions about who you need to be to achieve something, what is dangerous for you and what is worth learning.

Like any book, your life should have a title. Decide for yourself what one word or phrase can describe your existence. You can build on what happens to you most often and on your view of it. Remember that your attitude towards things determines their role and character. And with them for the rest of my life.

Where to start if you are determined to rewrite the script of your life? that is, change your view of the past and look to the future with more confidence? Here are 4 practical recommendations.

1. Chapters of life

Imagine that the story of your life consists of several chapters (usually from two to seven). What are they about? Name each of them (for example: early childhood, school years, student life, first job, first love), state their brief content. Think carefully about your place in each chapter.

Key events in the life scenario

Find a key event for each chapter. These must be real actions and actions from your past. For example, one evening last summer you made an important decision. Or at the age of 12 you had a serious conversation with your mother.

Describe each event in detail: who took part in it? Where did it happen? What were you doing then? How did you feel? Determine the degree to which each event affected your life: what does it say about you as a person at that time in your life and now?

Moments of takeoff...

Remember the brightest moment associated with experiencing joyful emotions. In your memory, this should be one of the best, most beautiful events of your life. Where did this happen? Who took part in it? How has this experience affected your life?

...and falls

Scroll back your timeline and remember the moment when you experienced extremely unpleasant emotions (despair, disappointment, guilt). Even if you hate to think about it, be completely honest. What were you doing at that moment? Who was involved in the events? What were you thinking and how were you feeling?

A turning point

By remembering the events of our lives, we can accurately determine those moments when significant changes occurred in our lives. Turning points in a life scenario can affect different aspects of life - relationships with people at school and at work, personal interests, and so on. Try to understand the importance of this event for you personally. It should not repeat events from other sections.

2. Significant events

...from early childhood

Choose a relatively clear childhood memory and describe it in detail. It may not be super important in your current life. What makes it significant is the fact that it is one of the very first vivid memories of your early childhood. How old were you then? where did it all take place?

...conscious childhood

Describe a scene from childhood that is imprinted in your mind as especially significant. It can carry both positive and negative memories. Who took part in it? What does it tell you about you then and now? What is its value?

...adolescence

Tell us about an event that was significant to you during adolescence, which remains in your memory as valuable.

...adult life

Describe a key event in your adult life (age 21+).

Describe one more event from any period of your life that seems important to you.

3. What's next?

Simulate two different life scenarios in which your own story might unfold in the future.

Favorable life scenario. First, develop the desired scenario based on your life goals and desires. Be bold but realistic.

Unfavorable life scenario. Now create a scenario for an undesirable development of the situation in the future. Describe your fears, come up with a situation that you hope you will never find yourself in. Again, be realistic.

4. Main theme

Turn over the chapters of your life again, including the imaginary future. Can you identify a key theme, idea, or leitmotif in your narrative of your life? What is the main theme of your life? How do you interpret significant events in your life? Consider these events from different angles, you will see how the angle of view changes your outlook on life.

M. MELIA, psychologist.

Why do some people succeed in everything, while others are haunted by failures, why is the life of one a heroic epic, another a love story, and the third a pulp fiction? Of course, we ourselves plan our lives, and our fate is determined primarily by our decisions, our intuition, our ability to think, and to adequately relate to everything that happens in the world around us. But if you look closely at the events in your life and the lives of those around you, you can notice certain patterns.

How often this happens! A person constantly has problems at work: wherever he works, he immediately has conflicts with management, and he feels that he is being picked on, bullied, and unfairly offended. He moves from one company to another - it would seem that new people, a different corporate culture, but history repeats itself: an “envious”, “schemer”, “rival” or “gossip” certainly appears next to our hero, who interfere in his relationship with boss, they don’t allow you to work productively.

One person tries to save money all his life, denies himself everything, but as soon as he accumulates a certain amount, he immediately spends it. Another, while helping his neighbor, for some reason constantly encounters ungrateful people, then suffers, reproaches himself for his imprudence, but the next time the object of his charity again becomes a person of the same kind. The third takes on a new business with pleasure: a bright start, bright prospects, ample opportunities, but... interest gradually fades and finally fades away, and the job is never completed. And the person takes on the next task with the same enthusiasm, and again there is no result.

It seems that these people act according to some given pattern. The circumstances of place and time change, but the course of action remains unchanged, events are repeated, as if the same plot is being played out - only on a new stage and with new actors. What is this - an evil rock, a mockery of fate?

There is a completely rational explanation for this. We will focus on one - from our point of view, the most interesting - approach: scenario analysis, proposed by the famous psychologist Eric Berne. As a rule, repeating events are a sign of the presence of a script in a person’s life (in English - “script”). A script is a life plan that exists in our subconscious, which is formed in early childhood and gradually unfolds over many years, often against our will.

Scenario elements are present to a greater or lesser extent in the life of any person, no matter how free (from conventions, stereotypes) and independent (morally and financially) he considers himself. True, their specific weight and significance in the lives of each of us is different. Some people follow a certain scenario all their lives, others plan their lives based on free will and free aspirations. We should not forget about what we call “His Majesty’s chance.”

Our life path is the result of many forces. But scenario analysis, in my opinion, makes it possible to look at the events of our lives from a new, unusual angle, to understand the motives of people’s behavior, to find an explanation for actions that are inexplicable at first glance, to correct one’s own behavior, to break out of the vicious circle of repeating events.

The scenario is formed in relationships with people from our immediate environment. As children we are more receptive and trusting. Therefore, some judgments of adults, especially those that are repeated many times, are etched into our consciousness for the rest of our lives. And our future fate largely depends on what exactly we heard in childhood.

When a child is supported, encouraged, and never tires of repeating: “We believe in you, you can do anything, you’re great, you’re smart, talented, strong” - and at the same time he is ready to make efforts and overcome difficulties, then a person who is confident in himself is more likely to grow up. with high self-esteem, feeling adequate in any situation, able to constructively resolve all issues that arise.

Often parents, grandparents or some other significant adult, watching a child, repeat something like this: “You’re stupid, you can’t do anything, nothing good will come of you, you’re nothing but trouble, don’t be arrogant, you’re the same.” “like everyone else”, etc. Such statements - they are also called “parental instructions” or “script curses” - can have a double impact on the future lives of children. One can come to terms with such a forecast for his future and, as an adult, live according to the scenario prepared for him by his parents. Another, a strong personality, on the contrary, will try to implement the anti-scenario, that is, act exactly the opposite, proving to his parents that he is worth something.

There are many scenarios. Any classification is quite arbitrary, but for ease of analysis we will divide the scenarios into three main groups: scenarios of the winner, the loser and the “golden mean”.

FORTUNE'S FAVORITES

They often say about a strong, successful person: “He is from the breed of winners.” As a rule, winners know how to manage themselves and soberly assess their strengths and weaknesses. They know what they will do tomorrow, they find themselves in the right place at the right time, they are always lucky. They can create a lot of problems for those around them: they are always inventing something, organizing, involving people in something, fighting, “cutting off the heads of dragons,” without doubting for a minute that victory will be theirs. Winners feel that life is a success - it is written on their faces, and, among other things, the very image of a successful person, satisfied with life, really helps them succeed.

But victory and success are relative concepts; it is rather a state of mind, rather than external attributes. The winner is the one who set a goal and achieved it. It is more important for a winner how he himself evaluates his achievements, and not how others evaluate them.

The winning scenario is formed by people whose parents believed in the capabilities of their children, invested a lot of effort in them and supported them, and never tired of repeating: “You will succeed.” And children grow up confident.

Often the winner scenario appears as an anti-scenario. For example, children from dysfunctional families, strong in nature, trying to resist negative programming or the “script curse”, begin with extraordinary tenacity and persistence to act contrary to parental forecasts, proving their strength and importance to themselves and the rest of the world.

So, a single mother constantly told her son: “There is no one to help you, you don’t have a father, you won’t be able to get through. And your heredity is bad.” If the boy were weak and dependent, he would certainly become a failure. But he turned out to be a strong man, and his life turned out differently: he became the owner of a large holding company, is involved in politics and does not take a drop of alcohol into his mouth. All his life he lays his achievements at his mother’s feet like trophies of war, proving that she was wrong.

Any of us will certainly find among our friends and acquaintances people from the cohort of winners. Each of them goes to victory in his own way, acts according to his own scenario.

Taking a closer look at people who know how to achieve their goals is not only interesting, but also extremely useful. You can see certain patterns in behavior that help them win, and understand what basic qualities they rely on. Each “winner” has his own “trademark” strategies for doing business, negotiating, resolving conflicts, etc.

It’s worth taking a closer look at yourself, analyzing your own successful strategies and thinking about how to use them more effectively - this will certainly help you become more successful. In the end, winners are not born, winners are made.

PEOPLE OF THE "GOLDEN MEAN"

These are not just average people who managed to avoid the fate of losers, but never received the laurels of winners. They are the “golden mean” without which no society can exist. Non-winners are adherents of basic human values, guardians of family and national traditions, a reasonable counterbalance to the extremes to which both winners and losers so often fall.

Most non-winners live by the principle “the main thing is not victory, but participation”; it is more important for them not so much to achieve success as to avoid failure. If a non-winner sets a goal, he achieves it, although his goals, as a rule, are modest. He is predictable, loyal, not prone to self-assertion, and usually does not enter into open confrontation. Life will not pass him by, although without any special ups, but also without downs. He will live with dignity and in accordance with generally accepted standards.

Representatives of the “golden mean” are efficient, conscientious, and, as a rule, occupy middle managerial positions. They often follow the path of least resistance, lowering the bar: they enter a university where there is less competition, they propose to a girl who will definitely not refuse.

The non-winner scenario, as a rule, is formed by parents who love their children, but at the same time constantly restrain them, beat them on the wrist, and with the best intentions, the desire to protect them from troubles. They never tire of repeating to their children: be more modest, keep a low profile, mind your own business, etc. As a result, a person grows up with somewhat low self-esteem, who does not have enough stars in the sky, agrees to be content with little, an obedient performer who firmly knows that initiative is punishable, so it’s safer to be like everyone else, even if you have great potential.

The "golden mean" makes up the majority. Therefore, there are a great many scenarios for this part.

LOSERS: EXPLICIT AND HIDDEN

A person with a loser scenario often feels left out by fate, a sufferer, even when everything seems to be going well for him. He constantly expects something unpleasant, unexpected to happen, feels sorry for himself and reveles in his own suffering. If a child “agreed” with the parent’s “instruction”, subconsciously believed that nothing would come of him, then he will never achieve success and will become an obvious, “outright” loser. Everything is simple here.

But there are also hidden losers. Unfortunately, they often become capable, even gifted people. Such losers, oddly enough, can also be those whose parents instilled in them that everything was “okay”, but did not teach their children to work. As a rule, these people were given without much effort what others spent a lot of time and strength. They always felt superior to their peers, they studied easily, without straining. But when the work required some effort, they could not complete the task. At first glance, they even seem to be quite successful. can manifest itself unexpectedly - at the most inopportune moment a person seems to break down, stumble and make an unfortunate mistake.

HOW TO UNLOCK YOUR SCENARIO?

Today, like 500 and 1000 years ago, humanity is tormented by the same questions: why is fate favorable to some, loyal to others and cruelly punishes others?

Some people stubbornly repeat the same mistakes throughout their lives, while others, on the contrary, use the same successful strategies. And if the winner rarely cares about the reason for his success, then the loser constantly asks the question: why? No one and nothing will help a person if he himself does not want to figure out what forces force him to act this way and not otherwise.

How to identify trends that indicate the presence of a script in a person’s life? I would offer several options for scenario analysis that anyone can conduct on their own (without the help of a psychotherapist or consultant).

Analyze repetitions, that is, repeating events in your personal or business life. Which of them happen against your will? Make a list of similar situations and try to understand what unites them. At the same time, try to be as objective as possible, focus not on assessing the behavior, intentions or character of other participants in the events ("envious", "slanderers", etc.), but on your actions. This will already help you see certain patterns and, perhaps, understand the reason for the failures.

Take a closer look at yourself. Pay attention to your manner of speech, vocabulary, facial expressions, gestures. For example, a loser is usually extremely surprised by his achievements. Even if he succeeds in something, he repeats: “No, there’s something wrong here, it can’t be...”. It’s as if he’s programmed to expect trouble, some kind of catch.

Winners are calm, self-confident, do not fuss, and like to repeat: victory is ours, success is guaranteed to us, there are no problems, everything will be okay, next time I will do even better. The very appearance of the winner indicates that this is a person successful, and failures only mobilize him.

Wear a “script T-shirt” for the winner with the inscription: “The main thing is to be first,” “He who doesn’t take risks, doesn’t drink champagne,” “Well, let’s see who wins,” etc.

What would a person of the “golden mean” write? “Always do your duty”, “Be professional”, “You have to be a good boy”, etc.

And finally, the loser: “You can’t trust anyone,” “I deserve more,” “Everyone is jealous of me,” etc.

The “program” laid down in childhood can be brought to light by analyzing fairy tales. Having “discovered” a scripted fairy tale, one can determine the program by which an adult lives.

The fairy tale “helps” the emerging scenario to take shape. Remember who your favorite hero was as a child, what books you read to your heart's content. Remember how they tormented their parents, forcing them to re-read the same thing out loud several times. Perhaps you will find amazing similarities between yourself - an adult, serious person - and some favorite hero. Maybe he controls your life unnoticed by you?

So, I propose several steps that will help you independently unravel your life scenario. Surely everyone who is interested in this method will come up with other analysis options.

HOW TO CHANGE THE SCENARIO?

Scenario analysis is one of the ways to help a person look at his life from the outside. Then everyone decides for himself whether he needs to change something or not. You can continue to play the same role if the script is quite satisfactory, or you can take on directorial functions - rearrange the mise-en-scène, or even stage a new play with a different plot.

Getting rid of a bad scenario is not so easy. But let’s try to remember statements like “saving drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves” and “go the other way” (by the way, both of these slogans are undoubtedly scenario ones). It makes sense for a person who decides to rewrite his program to take the following steps on his own.

Understand your script. Sometimes this alone makes a very strong impression on a person. He experiences an emotional shock, a flurry of emotions turns everything upside down not only in his soul, but also in his life.

One day I accidentally got into a conversation with a successful businessman. My interlocutor said that he always achieves his goals, but only on the third try - this was the case both when he was studying and when he was engaged in science and business. This pattern clearly irritated him. Word for word, it turned out that since childhood he liked the fairy tale "Glass Mountain", where the hero tries to get to the princess, and he succeeds - but only for the third time. I explained to him the meaning of his script tale, he was amazed, laughed for a long time and at that moment, apparently, parted with his script. At our next meeting, a year later, he said that he was no longer wasting time on rehearsals. It is not without reason that they say: humanity, laughing, parts with its past.

Part with unambiguous attitudes. It is important to learn to hear yourself. Pay attention to what and how you repeat to your child or subordinates. For example, you like to repeat “you won’t succeed until...”. These words carry a strong negative charge, doubt about the possibility of success. A strict condition is set: “You will not get an A until you learn the theorems...” or “You will not advance in your career until you pass the management exam.” Such statements themselves are quite controversial. After all, you don’t have to cram theorems, but understand how they are proven, and promotion in your career is not necessarily connected with passing the next exam. But the essence of scenario programming, its strength, lies in its peremptory, unambiguous nature. To understand that in fact there are many options is to find the path to freedom.

Let's try to modify and rewrite this program phrase like this: “You will do better if...”. This is also a so-called conditional scenario, but it is much softer. Now you can say to yourself: “My life will become more successful when I part with the unambiguous attitudes that interfere with me.”

Deal with your “provocateurs”. Try to mentally review the same type of unpleasant situations that are repeated against your will and evaluate your role in this “horror film.” What actions of your own provoke twists of fate? Who acts as “provocateurs” - what words, actions? Having identified the “provocateurs,” you can try to change the situation and do something fundamentally new in familiar situations, at least as an experiment. After all, if we do what we have always done, then we will get what we have always received. So, an experiment?

Create your own set of restrictions. After analyzing recurring situations and understanding where we constantly stumble, we can draw up a certain set of rules and prohibit ourselves from participating in certain situations. For example, I know that it is difficult for me to communicate with people of a manipulative and moralizing type. By coming into contact with them, I doom myself to defeat in advance, and if I still want to achieve victory, it will come at too high a price. This means that I must make it a rule to avoid such a situation by any means or modify it so as not to step on the same rake every time.

So, if the scenario weighs us down, it is important to avoid (at least at the first stage) any situations that could result in a repetition of our negative program: strict and conscious adherence to this rule will be our strength, and not weakness, as it may seem at first glance.

Enter into dialogue and get “permission”. Resolution is a special procedure used by a psychotherapist during scenario analysis. When a loser is freed from the script, it is like a miracle, they say “it’s as if the person had been bewitched.”

A scripted program can be filmed not only by a therapist, but also by someone significant, whose influence is not inferior to the parental figure who created this program, for example, a coach who told a timid youth: “You can do it!” But if a person is ready for transformation, even the words of a random fellow traveler can influence him. Many can remember an example when one phrase or meeting turned out to be fateful and changed their entire life.

Your own director? You should not perceive the life scenario as something necessarily negative and immediately try to get rid of it.

Without scripts, our lives would turn into complete improvisation. But not everyone wants, and not everyone is given the ability to improvise; for some, it is more convenient and calmer to “play by notes.” There are people who are not given the ability to write at all - if their parents do not write a script for them, it is unknown how they will live their lives. Therefore, for many, the script is the anchor that holds them.

A proven, tested, successful scenario is a kind of panacea for surprises and troubles. And an attempt to break out of the script is not always successful: the outside world may turn out to be inhospitable, and most importantly, unpredictable. Therefore, some people are comfortable even in their unsuccessful scenarios, benefiting from them in their own way.

Unconsciously following a script allows a person to save energy and time. As a rule, winners who live according to strict scenarios are not inclined to think and doubt; they are purposeful and efficient, they are people of action. The script laid down from childhood tells them the right strategy.

Scenario analysis cannot answer all questions concerning human life, and, of course, it would be naive to assume that all our behavior is determined by a script. But if you think about it, you can get food for thought about why fate turned out this way and not otherwise. This is extremely interesting and quite accessible to everyone.

It’s unbearable at work, when you come home there’s a conflict. A continuous obstacle course began. "Black!" - you say. Time passes, life begins to get better. “White stripe” - now you think. So it turns out that life is a continuous series of changing stripes.

Have you ever wondered at what point the “black streak” of bad luck begins?

Have you analyzed what was the catalyst that started the chain of unpleasant events? And what does its duration depend on?

4 years ago, several successive events happened in my life that greatly upset me. Finding myself in a “dark streak”, it was difficult for me to assess the situation from the outside. Pain, anger, resentment - I was haunted by typical signs of the “victim” syndrome. I don’t remember which event led me to a conscious view of my life, but one morning I woke up with an urgent need to change myself.

On the one hand, I felt relief. I felt it was the right decision. On the other hand, fear of change.

What should I change? Where to begin?

Fortunately, I was lucky, and my desire quickly found a response in the outside world. I love to read, so when I went to the book portal, I immediately noticed Stephen Covey’s book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” which radically changed my worldview. Now, when a difficult situation arises in my life and a need for advice arises, I buy the first book that my eyes stop at.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People was one of the first books that made me realize that I had been dissatisfied with my life for a long time. The coaching approach began to seamlessly integrate into my life. I started asking myself open-ended questions that required a detailed answer.

I remember the first question I asked myself: “Why are you dissatisfied with your life?”

I deliberately decided to record the answers to it on paper so as not to miss important thoughts.

“I’m a loser,” “I envy other people’s success,” “I don’t like waking up early in the morning,” “I’m tired of people.” Various ugly thoughts arose in my head and were transferred to paper, but in the end I wrote a phrase that resonated with me internally. "It!" – my intuition told me. "I hate my job and I'm wasting my life." Relief again. Suddenly I realized that by changing my field of professional activity to a more interesting one, I would fill my life with many events and new acquaintances.

Today, when working with other people, I go to the deepest level to get to the core statement from which all change begins. One question “why are you dissatisfied with your life?” not enough. You need to ask yourself a lot of clarifying questions. This is how the “why?” exercise was born.

Exercise "Why?"

It is extremely rare to immediately identify the main reason for dissatisfaction with your life. Therefore, there can be many questions starting with “why” until you reach the correct answer. Let's look at an example:

Why am I dissatisfied with my life? - Because I have no money.

Why is there no money? - Because I'm unlucky.

Why are you having no luck? - Because I am not appreciated.

Why aren't you appreciated? - Because there are no results.

Why are there no results? – Because I don’t want to achieve them.

Why don't you want to achieve? - I'm tired of my work.

Why are you tired from work? “She doesn’t bring me joy anymore.”

“Work is no longer fun” is likely the starting point.

I warn you right away, the answers may be unconscious. When the “victim” syndrome kicks in, we also begin to blame the world for all its troubles. The main task is to get to the bottom of it. When irritation and the desire to blame others go away, a constructive answer will come.

It is important to focus on internal feelings and get to the root cause of dissatisfaction with your life. All problems are related to four areas of life: family, work, personal life or spiritual sphere. Everyone's definitions are different, so you need to choose a statement that finds the maximum internal response.

There is an affirmation, now an idea for a new life scenario is born. You make a plan for what needs to be done in the very near future. I advise you to write broadly first, and then move on to the details. I’ll tell you about a clever technique for planning results that I borrowed from a colleague. Let's look at a specific example.

Enlarged and detailed action plans.

Let's imagine that globally you need:

• Find a new job;
• Improve your qualifications;
• Workout;
• Eat properly;
• Ensure life balance.

You have received a plan with destinations, but the route to them has not yet been laid out. And this is precisely the main reason why what was planned is not realized. Now comes the plan that delivers action.

What does it take to find a new job?

A) decide on a professional goal: when? - date of;

B) view vacancies – (date);

C) change the resume - (date);

D) draw up a cover letter (date);

D) send to employers (date).

What you need to improve your skills:

A) determine priority which skills need to be strengthened (date);

B) select a course (date);

C) reserve a place, make an advance payment (date).

Specific actions + implementation deadlines are important. When will you start? When will you finish?

The work example is clear. Take it and act, be proactive.

But what to do if the main reason for dissatisfaction with life is the lack of a “other half”. In this case, planning a goal and activities means that you influence it not directly, but indirectly. You direct all your actions not to a specific object, but to events that will create the conditions for you to find your “other half.”

Think about what might help you meet your person. Perhaps a state of internal balance. If it doesn't exist, you need to create it. Then answer the question: “What do you need for balance and equilibrium?” Maybe courses on emotional intelligence? Perhaps it's time to find time for a hobby? Or work with an image maker? Can I accept an invitation to attend an event? Or move to another city? It is important to use intuition and creative thinking as much as possible. And then turn large-scale goals into targeted actions.

Thus, an understanding of what needs to be changed, as well as a prescribed action plan, launches a positive life scenario. A stable “white streak” in life is ensured by everyday achievements, large and small, which are sure to happen.

Don't forget to celebrate small and big victories! It is very important to thank yourself and the world.

I wish you to write your own positive script and live in a stable “white streak”!